I do Not Share

Loyalty is a concept foreign to this new age of love. I am loyal to a fault ie to the point where my sanity is questioned by those close to me. To make me give up on someone takes a lot. My first crush went out with my best friend. I was mad at both of them. My childhood friend got married and had kids. My former gay boss had a live in boyfriend and was flirting with other women. It took all I had not to scream. My ex fiancé lied about cheating, broke up, slept with someone else, we got back together briefly, and then he started taking drugs after my cat died. Then he started texting an ex and dumped me.

People ask me why I don’t go back to my old crushes. The fact that I got over them means that I feel betrayed and hurt by them. I’m not trying to be with ANY of them. It took years to get over them and I’m not going through that again. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I was a little less loyal, but then I’d be my ex. Then there is the ideal of why the hell would I want to be with someone who isn’t loyal to me?! Let alone— marry them.

Let it go, I guess.

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