I am finding life a struggle. I really have — for months. I was dumped by a guy, twice, who I literally had all my hopes in. I proverbially put all my eggs in one basket. It's upsetting and a waste, but I don't actually miss him. I miss the idea of him. I loved his potential. I pushed him to go to college and I was happy that I finally had a chance to build to the life I actually wanted— eventually owning a house with children and married (preferably near mountains and an ocean, but I was flexible on the where). I had this image in my head that he could be a good father and a good husband. I really just wanted someone cute and smart I could talk and flirt with. I just couldn't see him for what he was— a drug addicted boy who wasn't ready to build the life I wanted. Ultimately his own agenda after he gained the self confidence bestowed on him by going back to college was more important. All he is interested is screwing around, feeling good, and having fun (which you know— causes burn out and eventually looks will fade especially since he already looks older than me and he is younger, so I don't want to be in his future— at all). I saw what I wanted to see.
I'm still in school, chugging away each week with classes and projects. I am making some wonderful progress with color theory as you can see below:
I am doing quite well and I am on track to graduate in May 2023.
Projects have been at a standstill since he broke up with me in December. I was working on The Mysterious Box redo literally hours before he dumped me the first time. It was harrowing and too traumatic. I sadly, associated my endearing project with the breakup. So I am trying to work on my projects, but they are hitting some emotional roadblocks and not taking my mind off of everything that I need them to. The very act of drawing and writing is my emotional therapy. So I am turning to writing. I will probably write more in a journal to sort out my mind and my emotions.
Work is good. I find myself tearing up in between calls occasionally, but otherwise I am good. My job lets me keep my place and I am so, so thankful. I feel very blessed to finally be paid what I feel I deserve (I probably deserve more, but I can pay my bills plus have extra for other things I want and need). Work has treated me well and I love it! My coworkers are great and I am working from home for the majority of the time. It's not what I want to do with the rest of my life, but they promote from within and there are jobs in my actual field within the company, so I am looking forward to the future!
Hopefully, I will have a better update on some projects soon! Toodles!