December 2021

Shredded every hopeful thought

He said he didn't know me

A lie like a knife stabbed right through me

I always said what was on my mind— I had no reason to hide

From a man my heart was unequivocally devoted to

Those rose colored glasses fell off a long time ago

But my heart was held in his hands

And squashed uncaringly

In January, fits of anger and sadness washed right through me

February was more of the same, but financially I was healing

He reached out, trying to reconcile, but what he had done to me—

I wasn't ready to forgive

In March, I stood on my own two feet

All bills in my name

In April, I let him in

Foolishly

In May, another heart break

Purposefully

All trust evaporated

There was nothing left to forgive

As I no longer believed in him

June was warmer, better

Surrounded by family I healed albeit slowly

July I spoiled myself

Late August I learned I could buy a house

September, a trip to remember

Two sisters, standing together

Fun memories, happy laughter

October, a small dream come true

I feel stable, renewed

November, reality steps in

The cost is more than I wanted,

But I can afford it with no regrets

Now, in December,

Feels like the winter in my heart has begun

Still healing, but not wanting to let anyone in

I've felt this way before

And I'm terrified

Last time, I fell for someone I never should have

More than once

Like the universe showing me something I want, but I can't have

It's cruel and unkind

I don't want to feel that way again

Unrequited love can die

Because it should never exist in the first place

I want someone for me

I don't want to see the beauty of unattainable love

Shoved into my face

While it snickers at me

Let me be blinded as my heart ices over

Because melting will only bring the tears

And desires unfulfilled

Let me forget the beauty of love

Let me not look upon the face of someone so imperfect,

But perfect to the eyes of my heart

In this sweet cold winter,

Let the hope die and let me move on

I can rely on me when I have no tears to shed

A broken heart can stay broken

As long as love is unattainable