This is What I Wanted?
I write a LOT about heartbreak— simply because I have WAY more experience in heartbreak than love. I met someone who I thought would change all of that. Again, I am broken. Again, my world falls apart. I have a LOT of insecurities that manifest deep uncertainties that are at times difficult for anyone to put up with. I was thankful for that moment in the sun. I hope it won't be the last.
I stand here
Has it really been 3 years?
I wanted to keep you near.
manifested in our relationship
before we were even tied at the hip
I told you I don't know what I am doing.
Love is such an uncatchable experience
It flows like water from my own hands
Like most things in life
I couldn't hold onto it alone.
When you looked behind you,
I felt you slipping away.
Even though you bought an engagement ring,
you were looking at others like the catalogue of a magazine.
I felt the burning of jealousy
I didn't understand why you didn't want to marry me.
As broken as I am,
I can now understand.
You asked for my hand in December,
But I will no longer ask for closure.
You set a fire in my heart
and threw me in the ocean.
You expected the flame not to burn out.
But here I am again lost in the sea
Because you want to leave me
And bury me like the others
How could I expect anything less?
When I am not the best?
Being alone suits me
I can build my nest
And get things off my chest.
I never had a chance
because you never knew me.