This is What I Wanted?

I write a LOT about heartbreak— simply because I have WAY more experience in heartbreak than love. I met someone who I thought would change all of that. Again, I am broken. Again, my world falls apart. I have a LOT of insecurities that manifest deep uncertainties that are at times difficult for anyone to put up with. I was thankful for that moment in the sun. I hope it won't be the last.

Love,

Broken Again

I stand here

broken again

Has it really been 3 years?

I wanted to keep you near.

The fear,

manifested in our relationship

before we were even tied at the hip

I told you I don't know what I am doing.

Love is such an uncatchable experience

It flows like water from my own hands

Like money

Like most things in life

I couldn't hold onto it alone.

When you looked behind you,

I felt you slipping away.

Even though you bought an engagement ring,

you were looking at others like the catalogue of a magazine.

I felt the burning of jealousy

I didn't understand why you didn't want to marry me.

As broken as I am,

I can now understand.

You asked for my hand in December,

But I will no longer ask for closure.

​

You set a fire in my heart

and threw me in the ocean.

You expected the flame not to burn out.

But here I am again lost in the sea

Because you want to leave me

And bury me like the others

How could I expect anything less?

When I am not the best?

Being alone suits me

I can build my nest

And get things off my chest.

I never had a chance

because you never knew me.