It hurt the first time I was told I was fat

It was a lie

I was 13, thinner than my mother

Thinner than my sisters

Thinner than most of my friends

And cousins

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When I actually gained weight because I was trying to hide from a psychopaths prying eyes

I wanted to be ugly

I wanted to be invisible

Anything, disgusting to keep him from looking at me

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I clothed myself in black

I barely ate

My eyes blackened when I stood up each morning because I did not eat

But neither did I exercise

​

I was confined to a bedroom

To avoid his disgusting prying eyes

I did not want to fight

I just wanted to be left alone in solitude

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When I first had my own money, I ate Taco Bell until I was truly overweight

I learned about calories and how to exercise

I was criticize by my entire family

"You don't need to exercise"

Turns out I do as the body I had built up from riding bikes for 4 hours per day or more

Requires exercise to lose weight

(Which I DO NOT enjoy)

Diet, unfortunately, is secondary

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All men, including my own father, see when they see a woman is her weight

But what about them?

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I've met guys who literally live in their parents basement and do nothing but play video games

and I am supposed to like them.

When they have no communication skills,

No ability to take care of themselves,

And they are fat because they eat chips and soda all day

I don't want to be their mother or their plaything

That's what dolls and the internet is for

For the fantasy that isn't real

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I look for a husband

Not someone who I can take care of

Someone who is my partner and

Can share the work

If we both have to work full-time because of modern capitalism,

then I am not caring for the entire house.

Learn to clean and take care of yourself.

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I am working daily on bettering myself.

I have more things to do than anyone I know.

I've accomplished everything I've done with little to no help.

I will be the one footing the bill for college.

I know how to take care of myself.

I know how to exercise.

I know how to lose weight.

​

It's just not a priority.

​

Be with a skinny chick.

But no one is entitled to anything

​

If you want a skinny chick, then be a skinny guy

Don't try to change me for your own selfish purposes

​

Don't try to mold me into your ex girlfriend and then

cheat on me

​

I am okay with who I am.

I accept my body for what it is right now.

Whenever I have children, I will be content.

Will you?